Lesbians, Yes We Have Intercourse With One Another But That Doesn’t Mean ‘Girl Code’ Is Dry | GO Magazine

Eons before I arrived moving outside of the dirty, dark colored and dismal direct closet and marched inside warm dyke world, I became a staunch follower of “girl code.” Maybe it’s because i am one particular annoying agencies created with a ravenous thirst for ~fairness~ inside messed up world. Perhaps I’m simply my mother’s child (my mom will be the ethical dictator for the east Seaboard). Or perhaps i am merely a self-righteous bitch.

Regardless of cause; I’ve been a staunch follower of “girl code” since those flushed adolescent bodily hormones kicked in around get older 10.

So what even



is quite



“girl signal?”  woman signal is actually a code for which all women that happen to be generally speaking supporting of these gender, follow. It is an unspoken pair of guidelines, set in place hundreds of years before by our foremothers, assuring we care for the kind. It is primal. Animal.

This means that even in the event we oh-so-fiercely dislike that vile witch exactly who rests two cubicles away, we’re going to

however

give the lady a tampon when she actually is hemorrhaging through her bleached white jeans.

Female code is actually rooted in the built-in sisterhood we share with all ladies, whether or not do not understand them truly. We communicate an unspoken bond because just we understand the hardships, the complexities, plus the unavoidable injury that comes together with becoming a woman in a fuckboy’s globe.

While I was eleven I found myself heartbroken once I saw smart-mouthed Brittany* a platinum-haired volleyball celebrity “take” the boyfriend of Ashley* a freckle-faced educational.

“exactly how CAN SHE?!” we gasped to my closest friend Suzie Goldstein over a carton of candy dairy when you look at the cafeteria.

Suzie, additionally a die-hard woman coder, sadly installed the woman head. “I’m not sure, Zara. I don’t know.”

A couple of years later on I had a “crush” on a pretty-faced long-lashed child who had been the spitting image of

Halsey

(once I pushed myself to “break” on males, I always moved for rather kids exactly who bore stunning resemblances to the precious queer girl pop stars nowadays).


Trouble was, mentioned guy had when outdated a pal of my own. I asked the lady if she minded easily dated her lesbian-looking ex-boyfriend (not when it comes to those words, needless to say).

“obviously I MIND!” she screamed, flinging the woman red velour Juicy Couture backpack to the atmosphere.

We vowed to never test woman code once more.

I quickly turned 20 and began using the ~lesbians~.

I became a Sapphic little kitten fresh throughout the world even though I felt like I had died and gone to lesbian heaven, a very important factor really confused me (okay, a



few



things, nevertheless have where I’m going).

Female code don’t be seemingly as increasingly ingrained into my personal brand new lesbian pal class. My friends seemed to consistently end up being matchmaking their own friend’s exes, flirting with taken females and engaging in top-secret affairs with ladies nevertheless romantically mounted on other ladies.

“Wait—no, you can’t do this! It isn’t LADY signal!” I would shriek inside my brand new pal Talia, a girl who was simply usually recklessly smashing girl rule together brown small fists.

Talia would move her glittery eco-friendly vision. “we are lesbians—it’s various. We’ve got



gender



together.”

“because we gender with one another doesn’t mean woman code is out the window,” we roared with a feverish intensity i did not have any idea I experienced. I was 21 with ratty hair extensions and most likely -$20.00 to my name, but I understood inside my center I was dead meet and fuck right now

Not simply should queer ladies be sticking with girl signal (the actual fact that we perform undoubtedly, have intercourse with one another, LOTS of intercourse with each other), it needs to be cut actually much deeper compared to the lady signal that is present inside heteronormative world. Not merely tend to be we under attack by community at-large because we are feminine, we are additionally under attack by society in particular because we’re effing QUEER, ladies! If there’s ever before been a team of women who must firmly certain to the ethics of GIRL CODE, it needs to be us queers. In reality, i might call-it “queer rule” but that’s a unique thing, worthy of its post.

But we all, no matter where we land from the sex range, many of us, just who roll during the queer woman community,



should



end up being adhering to girl code. No conditions.

As an instance:

It really is against “girl code” to aggressively hit on a lady who’s got a girlfriend.

A few months ago I happened to be at The Cubby Hole using my pal Maggie.* A lanky lesbian with a swanky haircut arrived striding toward Maggie. She stomped up to the woman with this highly sexual “vagina very first” strut and she began to shamelessly flirt with little Maggie. Within seconds, she asked Maggie out on a date.

Maggie beamed politely (she is southern) and cooed, “that is truly nice, but We have a truly really serious girl.”

“that is as well terrible. We’ll purchase you a drink in any event.” The lanky lesbian purred, elevating an impressively arched brow.

“Don’t worry about any of it, I got it.” Maggie seemed nervously at myself (the bitchy unique Yorker exactly who bites back).

“Let me buy you a glass or two. You’re attractive. And hey, you never know in which the union goes?” Lanky Lezzie cackled, all sex-eyed and throaty-voiced. She place an unwelcome hand on Maggie’s blank neck.

At long last, we burst. “Dude! This lady has a girlfriend! It isn’t really simply disrespectful to Maggie, additionally, it is disrespectful to her GIRL. We are all females! Do not betray one another such as that!” I roared, as Lanky Lesbian rapidly excused herself for a smoke.

You aren’t simply busting woman signal through another woman think uneasy for rejecting your own improvements, you’re breaking girl rule because some bad lesbian is actually seated in the home innocently chomping on a vegan burrito, as the woman sweetheart will be HIT ON by another woman.

I am talking about, maybe she’d anticipate these behavior by drunken bros at the bro club, however the queer bar need a secure spot! We keep united states to a higher common than males (NOT Computer, sorry), not?

It is against “girl rule” to inquire of a female’s authorization to talk to the woman girl.

Recently I was at huge queer lady celebration whenever out of the blue a haphazard girl will come walking as much as my personal sweetheart and bellows: “could i ask your girlfriend a question?” Appropriate. In. Front. Of. Me. As though I wasn’t actually freaking here.

Explore smashing girl signal into the floor! You’re equating my personal womanliness with weakness, and implying that my personal leather-based pants wearing girl is actually my personal supervisor (GAG!), because she actually is not twirling around in a mini gown like I am.

PSA: you’ll twirl about in a minidress but still have actually a goddamn head.

Not just are you splitting lady code by judging another woman exclusively according to the woman outer appearance and personal design, you’re additionally becoming very sexist. You are asking my personal (a little) a lot more masculine exhibiting girl for authorization to speak to “femmey little me.” Pay attention females: This mascara lesbian does not have any manager. Not working. Maybe not in life. And definitely not in drilling love.

It really is against woman code to date, rest with, or flirt together with your friend’s ex (without requesting authorization).

Hunt: there are times when In my opinion it’s totally okay up to now a pal’s ex because lez be actual. The world is really so small that dating a pal’s ex will sooner or later (probably) be inescapable. Especially if friends and family are all fantastic, crazy sluts like mine, and then have installed with 90 per cent associated with the world.

But child girl! You have to require authorization before going into that area.

I’m sure discovering a girl you relate solely to is just as rare as finding a pearl in a goddamn oyster, but you must keep your self straight back if authorization is not approved.

It really is against woman rule to flirt along with your buddy’s existing lover (even in the event it’s innocent).

Close the vision. Picture you’re at a club seeing another girl splay the woman feet all-around your hetero friend’s date. You might believe it had been wildly improper, and probably tell her everything about it, no? Same goes for ladies on lady laps.

Trust me we struggle with this 1, significant. I am naturally a lap seated lez, within the many ~innocent~ of means. We recklessly plop on the laps of homosexual males, lesbians, my personal mom, my buddy and right women as well. It’s probably a deep-rooted childhood dilemma of desiring affection.

Nonetheless. Which is no excuse.

I’ve must install some rigorous borders about my buddies’ girlfriends. Regardless if within my greatly mascara adorned eyes I’m not “flirting,” it is still WILDLY improper for me to be lapping it to my friend’s gf. Or anyone’s girl even.

It would possibly get complicated for us gays.



Oh, we’re all ladies! It indicates nothing!



But if you don’t want somebody’s girl to (rightfully) sock you in nostrils whilst drunkenly perch on the girl’s lap: get attend a rose-bush rather. It is a far more sensible choice.

Its against girl signal to let your squandered girl go back home with a douchey complete stranger EVEN IF SAID STRANGER IS A LADY.

If my direct best friend Ruba becomes unmanageable lost and slurs for me that she’s heading home with some douchey appearing bro who is providing me an instance of full human anatomy creeps, I’ll pull the lady from the bar throwing and screaming before We allow her to get in a taxi with him.

Simply because the intoxicated buddy is certian home with an other woman (aka maybe not a



guy)



doesn’t necessarily mean she will be safe otherwise wont awake without bad regret and embarrassment spirals. The audience is right here to protect our friends from risk AND from pity spirals. Lady code, infant.

Generally there it is. Let me know what you believe.
Message me personally on Facebook
and tell me you disagree. This might be a conversation, perhaps not a lecture, kitten. I am merely your own self-proclaimed internet lesbian huge sis, just what hell carry out I’m sure?

OH—one even more thing. It really is against woman rule to treat a female you’d a one night stand with like garbage. Although it’s simply a rando hookup (which I completely recommend) be TYPE to the lady and pay money for the taxi cab home. Women are to never treat some other women like disposable sex toys, under any circumstance.